on waiting

Whenever I read about people's goals there always seems to be a point on there about being more patient or learning patience. I always just skimmed over those kind of goals because A) obviously I am the most patient person ever and have nothing to learn in that department (let me introduce you to sarcasm...) and B) I'm all about stopping on the kind of goals like eat less sweets and promising myself that maybe tonight I will have only 5 mini peanut butter Snickers instead of 6. 

Then I have 7 Snickers instead and realize that 7 is still less than what I want to eat so that's kind of like fulfilling a goal, right?!

Mr. Vampire and Miss Witch don't realize that they are wrong. I get to eat all of the sweets. 

Well recently, and way more recently than I'll ever admit, I realized that I am not one of those don't need to learn patience people. In fact, I am the opposite of those kind of people. I am the least patient person. And that is putting it mildly.

I've got the itch. 

The Impatient Itch. 

And Calamine lotion ain't helping this ailment. 

My mom has a lot of isms, as we like to call them. Actually we call them Mary Caroline-isms and they are some of the wisest words you ever heard/will ever hear. Here is her patience-ism:

Patience is a virtue.

Virtue is a grace.

Both put together make a very pretty face. 

After texting my mom over something ridiculous the other day, this was her response.

Right now I'm itching and dying to scratch over...

-The apartment not being decorated and done. Oh, that's right, crazy, calm your panties and realize we're in no race. Don't hang a picture just for the sake of filling up wall space. Don't buy decorative pillows just for the sake of having decorative pillows. Although I must admit our decorative pillows are looking mighty fine up in here. That sentence makes me feel so grown up. Decorative pillows! Pillows. To decorate! Fancy.

Gift cards as wedding presents are definitely helping us scratch this lil' impatient decorating itch though. Score. 

-Not seeing our wedding pictures yet. This one should be in caps lock and maybe put in the biggest font size available. I am turning into a crazy cuhrazy lady that only wants to open my eyes from a deep slumber when there is going to be a big pile of wedding pictures in front of them. Let's blame it on the fact that the wedding went by way too fast. Slow down there, Sally! I may or may not be grasping on to anything wedding related so I don't forget the feeling of absolutely glee and happiness that I felt the entire day.

Or something like that. Thank goodness for cell phone wedding pictures that I look at an insane a normal amount. Totally normal. 

-TV show don't release entire seasons at a time. What the what, Netflix, thanks for spoiling me rotten. I get so annoyed and frustrated watching shows live. Ugh, commercials. Really, 2013? We still have to have commercials? I get that Pantene will make my hair sparkle and that the gecko being in Geico commercials is hilarious. Really, networks, we only get one episode per week? This is madness and I do not agree. Netflix, me love you long time...but only if you'll hurry up and post the entire season 2 of House of Cards. 

Another Impatient Itch that is terrible? Waiting on something in the mail. I swear, the day after I order something I start checking the mail. Even when I have the tracking information and can clearly see it was checked in a truck in Philadelphia this morning. But what's worse than just obsessively checking the mail when you can use the internet to see where the package is...is being upset when the mailbox is empty.

Who am I?

I just realized that I described myself as crazy in just about every point up there. So there ya have it, I'm just crazy.

Crazy impatient.

The end.

Sorry to all of you who thought I would be ending this post with some wisdom on how to find patience and hold onto it. 

I'm still figuring that one out.