I like to think I'm an adventurous person.
Okay, I could barely type that out without laughing. I'm sure any relative, close friend, or Freddiehusband of mine reading that statement is/was also laughing.
Come on, though! Up until 3-4 years ago I lived off of Pringles, Kraft, pizza, Coke, etc., etc. I've come so far. Greek yogurt, fruit, most non-green veggies, wheat bread, soda water exclusively, chips that aren't Pringles (I can't do that Annie's Mac and Cheese crap, though. Nasty. Kraft for lyfe). Just call me Adventurous Eater Emily. Front and center.
Okay, so not much has really changed.
And recently I upped and moved 330 miles away from all my friends and family. Away from my home for the past 24 years of my life. Livin' the cuh-razy life over here. Proof #2 of some serious adventure going on.
Let's see. What else? I rode the Metro consistently for the 5 weeks of one summer I lived in DC. Through drug busts, homeless people sleeping on me, and all. For someone who h-a-t-e-s public transportation that has got to be considered an adventure. I even dipped my finger into a mason jar of moonshine recently and placed said finger on the tip of my tongue. Ya know, to taste the moonshine. Whew. The adventure never ends.
I bring up all of this to show you that I'm either A) really adventurous or B) really sarcastic...and also to tell you a story.
What do you want to do this weekend? I so bravely asked Freds.
I want to find some oysters. Freddie answered very matter of factly.
Now being married to The Freddie I was able to decipher the meaning of "find" some oysters and I realized that the meaning did not involve going to a store and purchasing some oysters. How does one exactly "find" some oysters? Well, shucks (har har), I decided to google such an important question and what I found is high-larious.
Step 2 involved something about wearing heavy duty gloves, but I kept on reading anyways. Step 3 involved wearing waders and carrying a 5 gallon bucket around. Eh, my arms aren't that weak, right? It wasn't until Step 7 (so many steps) when it talked about prying apart the oyster with a screwdriver and measuring to make sure it is of the state-appointed legal size that I decided maybe I'm not so adventurous after all. I can rock some gloves. I could possibly rock some waders even though they are the complete opposite of the skin huggin' tights I wear on the daily. But possibly committing a crime by accidentally taking an oyster of the wrong size?! After all that hard work? What if I got a Georgia appointed legal size, but not a South Carolina legal size? Jail by oysters?! I just can't.
Side note: this was the first time I tried oysters. The look on my face rather accurately explains my thoughts and feelings towards oysters. Um...why the hype? Give me a big plate of crab legs with a huge bowl of scallops in place of shucking oysters any day of the year.
Being new to the beach life, I realize there are lots of things I should try. Like kayaking. And fishing for more than 5 seconds. And maybe even measuring oysters to make sure they are the state-appointed legal size. The adventures really don't ever end.
And you know what they say...
The world is your oyster.
Besides the point of what does that even mean?!, I guess I will make the world my oyster and go "find" some oysters real soon. I'll be sure to write up a full report of how the wading and raking and prying open and measuring and not committing a crime go.
P.S.--Freddie also suggested we add camping to the adventure list. For someone that supposedly knows me so well and wants to spend forever with me, that someone really doesn't know me very well. This is the only way I will ever even consider going camping...
Tom Haverford style!
over and out.