November 28, 2013

what time is it?

This time last year we were entering the holiday season as the death of my grandmother was still very fresh. Very new. Very painful. I think all of my family was dreading the change that her absence was going to bring (what a way to start a Thanksgiving post, right? Stick with me here).

Fast forward to twenty thirteen, hello present, and holy moly whaddya know a lot has happened in these past 365 days. Between a few moves, new jobs, a proposal, and a wedding you'd think the year was full enough. We're talking big-bellied full enough. 

But this holiday season I can't help but feel the exact same "dread" (so to speak) of what changes will come. A month before my wedding my Dad's father passed away very unexpectedly. It was like no time had passed since my grandmother's death. It felt like the days/the months in between their two deaths almost didn't happen. All of the sadness, the not-so-good emotions, came rushing back like they had never left. I was watching my father go through the exact same pain I had watched my mother go through a mere 11 months before. I was watching my family try to mend another hole that a death had caused. 

I feel like I can see my parents completely differently after these events--my mom losing her mom and my dad losing his dad. I see them as more than just my mom and dad. I see them as people. As children who still, no matter what age, have a certain need for their parents. I see me in them. I see my need for them, my parents. 

I see the need for family. 
For the love of family.

I've sat down to start a post on this Thanksgiving many, many times, but somehow my mind always drifts back to this post from last Thanksgiving. I can't say it any better now even after 365 days of new life lessons (and boy, there have been a lot of lessons this year. Oh hey, marriage!). 

I am most thankful for time and the ability to choose how I want to spend my time. 

So for the outpouring of love and support as Freds and I got married, for the endless amount of laughs from catching up with friends in town, for the crazy number of times I got to see family this summer, for the ability to have group text messages, for ballet students who keep me on my toes (high five for puns), for eating dark chocolate sea salted caramels, for the happiness weirdness of calling Frederick my husband, for living a hop/jump/skip away from the beach, for getting to spend T-giving with my brother for the first time in 7 years, for family that drives for visits...

For all of things, I am very, very thankful. 
I'd say that's all time well spent.

Happy Thanksgiving! 
Now go eat some turkey and bask in a food coma. Life is good. 

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