on being old and at the movies

I still remember the first time I heard about the Hunger Games book. Almost 3 years ago a mom for whom I nannied was trying to convince me to read this new book. 

Hmm...how can I explain this. It's about this country, Panem, that's run by the Capitol. There are districts instead of states and each district has its own...well, its own way of benefitting the Capitol. The Capitol hosts these games each year, the Hunger Games, and they pick children from the districts and they have to fight to the death. It's so good!

Oh, okay. Ya sold me. 

Except, not at all. I thought it sounded crazy. The bad kind of crazy (there's a good kind of crazy, right?) After many I just can't explain it. You have to read it and see's I caved.

I caved hard. That book sucked me in like a vacuum and I was totally okay with it. I even got my new boyfriend Freddiefriend to read them and he eventually married me. Let's give all the credit for that to these books just for the sake of this post. I soon realized what that mom meant when she said she couldn't explain the book. Every time I tried my luck at convincing people to read this book I realized I was word vomming the most ridiculous sounding plot. I realized this because I mostly got this look in return...

Suuuuure, sounds like a real winner of a book. Says Britney. 

The first movie was...eh. Eh=annoying in my dictionary. My very important dictionary. It felt like they (you know, those people) were making Hunger Games out to be the next star-crossed lovers version of Twilight. Where was the fighting? The blood? The scheming?! The crazy arena action. Because all I could see was some kissing then some crazy handheld camera work that appeared to be filmed as the man holding the camera was running from a bear. Seriously, did anyone else get a headache from trying to focus in on the crazy camera work in first movie? Yes, all of you, just say yes. 

Freddie and I, the old married couple, headed out for a hot Catching Fire date night on Friday night.

Holy Every Cliche About Teenage Girls Batman. 

I have never ever ever felt more my age (read: old) in my entire life. The squealing. The selfsies. The texting. The candy flying over the seats. The gossip. The more squealing. More selfsies. The OMG's. All I wanted was to relocate to my living room with just Freddie and just silence and just my Buncha Crunch and watch this movie in peace. I might as well have had a Depends on I was feeling so old. 

Wait, did I have a Depends on? 

No, no. Jay kay and all that. Except, hello, movies getting longer and longer. Let me introduce you to my bladder. My bladder who sometimes needs a little break. Kapeesh?

Where was I? Oh yes, being old and wearing Depends minus the actual wearing a Depends part. 

I guess my point is were we ever those squealing, giggly, phone obsessed teenagers? 

I asked my best friend if we were like that growing up and we both decided that while we were giggly and loud, we were usually laughing over a fart and not over how "cool" it is to throw candy at each other. Plus we didn't even get phones until mid high school. And while my Nokia phone was awesome and had snake, it definitely had no means of taking theater selfsies. Lamesies. 

Oh, and the movie? Totally worth us old folks braving the young hooligans in order to see it. I just might take a picture of myself eating candy in the theater next time. Who knows. Hashtag YOLO.