a wanderlusted wanderlost

You know that Reflection song where Mulan is singing to her geisha-esque reflection in the water? I've been thinking about that song a lot since returning from our trip.

And no, not because I've been wearing geisha makeup or planning a career change or that California reminded me of China in any way. Just FYI.

This California trip was really eye-opening. Which, gag me, sounds so cliche. I know. Oh, this trip changed my life! Total nirvana moment. I'm not walking around saying those things (yet), but this trip came at a great time. A time when I needed a reminder that life is so much more than your job. Than your hometown. Than your own little life bubble. Yes, all of these things are important to one's overall life, but they shouldn't rule and consume life.

Side note: promise I'm not saying we should not treat work and other things like they are important and slack off. I'm a firm believer of working hard and doing your best. Cali did not make me that kind of a hippie. Cross my heart. 

Two summers ago when my grandmother died I went into panic mode. Life had never felt so short. Of course, everyone always says Life is short, life is short. But after she died and the world kept spinning and the sun kept rising and setting, life suddenly felt super short. Which is probably why fourth months after her death I broke down to Freds about how short life was (good thing I filled him in on that secret) and how I wanted to be married and not wait to start our life together. I promise I was a super fun girlfriend most of the non-breaking down times. 

Last summer when my grandfather died I went into a somewhat different kind of panic mode. I was still in the life is short/the days are short/everything goes by too fast panic mode, but when he died I saw a different side of life and it's room for potential. He left behind a huge legacy. The stories people came to tell about his time in the war, or as a reporter, or as a civil rights activist, or as a father were all wonderful. He chose a career that wasn't even a career to him. He loved what he did and it wasn't a job. With that mindset he was able to do anything and everything and touched so many people along the way. I will never forget turning the corner into the church for his memorial service and seeing the amount of people sitting and standing just being there for him.

This summer on our California trip we went to the Walt Disney Family museum in San Fran. Disneyland wasn't enough for these Disney nerds over here. Let me tell you what (on a few different accounts) A) that museum is amazing and I think we could have spent all weekend day there. Go there if you're ever that way. And B) That man is even more magical and innovative than I realized. Talk about someone who went for it, no matter what. Someone who loved life and it shined through everything he touched and accomplished.

This is the view from the museum, by the way. Talk about magical...

So...

How can I live my life to the fullest in the short amount of time we are given? What should I be doing? Where are we supposed to be?

???

My head has been a reeling non-stop thinking mess over here since we returned. Sleep is not happening, but I'll blame that on the time change. Pacific to Eastern is the worst "jet lag"--you can quote me on that. 

Even though I don't have all the answers and I don't know what the next step is and I don't know where I should be or what I should be doing and I don't know who Christina Aguilera or Mulan think I should see when I look at my own reflection, I do know that Charleston is a pretty amazing place to be and I get to be here with a pretty amazing guy.

Life, show me what you got.
The End.

p.s.--come back next week for the real and non-emo recaps. Promise.