September 11, 2015

four eyes

Let's take this Friday to talk about something really important. 

Glasses.

I know. It's exactly what you were thinking about too. I'm good like that. 

Glasses and I have had a rocky relationship. Rocky because all I ever wanted out of life was to need glasses and for glasses to love me. Now I do need glasses, and glasses love my eyes, but I don't love my eyes in glasses. However, I am getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning. 

When I was in second grade we had to do a report on a president. Of course everyone wanted good ol' George or Honest Abe. Some even wanted Mr. Bill himself (this was pre-1998 Monica scandal so no blue dresses would be involved. Wink). I made the sacrifice to take a less popular president and go with...Woodrow Wilson.

Why? Because this:
Glasses! On my face! I made the best president choice! Na na na boo boo!

I wore those fake glasses like I was the queen of fake glasses. 
Oh hey, mom, what's that? We're going to the mall today? Hold up, let me get my glasses first. Phew. Now I can see all the lava in my new lava lamp better. 

Fast forward to 2012 when I put on my big girl panties and finally went to the eye doctor. Sure enough, I needed glasses. <<<side note: for someone who always wanted glasses so badly I am terrified (read: TERRIFIED) of eye drops and anything eye related. 

My big day had finally come! I had waited twenty-three dang years for my eyes to crap out on me so I could wear glasses! Hallelujah! 

!!!!!!

It was like Christmas Day (BUT BETTER) when they told me my glasses were ready. I wore those glasses like I was the queen of real glasses...
for about two weeks. 

Why had no one ever told me how much glasses suck? They hurt the top of your ears. They hurt your nose. Switching between them and sunglasses is annoying. And why do I look like a crazy nerd all the time? 

Life went on and my glasses stayed off, and here we are three years later. I would and do occasionally remember to bring them to movies or shows so that I can see things better/clearer, but whine whine whine. What happened to them being as magical as I always dreamed of?! Why can some people look pulled together with just lipstick and glasses?! What is my life?!

My mom eventually got glasses. And wears them daily. And looks superb. Freddie eventually got glasses. And wears them daily. And looks superb. My sister eventually got (ridiculous fake) glasses. And wears (fakes) them daily. And looks (fake and) superb (even with how ridiculous they are). I was even her fake glasses model as my mom picked out a pair for her in Houston last week.
Obviously I am pulling off this one pair, but that's besides the point.

One day I'll figure out how to pull off glasses and keep them on my face for extended periods of time. The glasses gods are laughing their glasses covered faces off at the trick they pulled on me and my innocent glasses loving heart. Glasses, we'll try again tomorrow when I can't read the signs in the grocery store.

You are like so welcome for the plethora of pictures of my face in glasses. Ten points for anyone who correctly guesses how many times I used the word "glasses" in this post.
Happy Friday!

3 comments:

Mattie @ Northwest Native said...

When I was little I was OBSESSED with glasses too! Definitely rocked a fake pair from Claire's. Hahaha. I didn't get people who had glasses hating them or people making fun of people with glasses because HELLO, THEY'RE SUPER COOL! I actually put on Michael's glasses a few weeks ago and liked how they looked. But I do think I'd get annoyed having something on my face all the time.

Anne said...

Haha love your Woodrow Wilson look. I got real glasses in 3rd grade so was kind of over them by the time I got lasik right after college... but I soon missed them as a fashion accessory, I must say. In high school I had some blue plastic rimmed ones and they were awesome. Here's a dumb one though: when I was in elementary school I totally thought braces were the coolest thing ever. Realized my stupidity right quick when mine went on in middle school.

Audrey Mack said...

My daughter who is in 1st grade always wants to put on mine or my husband’s glasses. I keep trying to tell her what you’ve figured out; glasses are fun and awesome when you don’t have to wear them and not nearly as much fun when you actually need to wear them.

Audrey Mack @ Clarity Vision - Apex, NC

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