It's really hard for my brain to comprehend that it's almost June. Like really hard. Like when I try to comprehend it I want to hyperventilate because I realize that by next Thursday it'll be 2050 and I'll be sixty-one. TIME SLOW DOWN.
In other-but-still-related news, let's look at...
Milkshakes. That's all I've been wanting lately. A plain, ol' chocolate milkshake. It seems so easy. Go get a freaking milkshake already, Emily!
Here's one reason why adulting is the worst: because you overthink milkshakes. Milkshakes, of all things! You overthink, second guess, and talk yourself out of them because calories, milk, bloatedness, and the fact that it's already hard enough to work out when you've been eating Brussels sprouts, so it'll definitely be hard to work out when you drink milkshakes.
Screw you, milkshakes.
I went to the orthodontist this week and found out a whole slew of things wrong with my mouth. Did you know I have a narrow arch? I know, how embarrassing, right? My sister got the wavy hair, and I got the...narrow arch? Anyways, being an adult means deciding between if the extra money goes to new retainers, or it is goes to a trip this summer.
Sigh. If that whole paragraph isn't the perfect example of #firstworldproblems then slap my bleep and call me Sally!
Ricky worked really late one night this week, and I found myself standing in the middle of the kitchen thinking, "Wait, didn't I get married just so I never had to feed myself again? How did I get here?" So I roasted vegetables. All by myself! I'm doing work in the kitchen equivalent to what the MasterChef Junior kids do before they can talk so...
Freddie thinks I can cook now so we need to SHUT THIS DOWN, people. Pretend you didn't even read this paragraph.
Let's be real here, you don't always want to shower. Sometimes you want to hit snooze. Sometimes you want to have an extra glass of wine at night and not have to go to bed with wet hair. Sometimes you think that baby wipes might just do the trick for the time being.
And you know what, you do you. You wipe yourself down with a baby wipe and call it a day. Because being an adult and making yourself shower might be hard some days, but on the opposite side of that it's pretty great being an adult and getting to make your own decision not to shower sometimes.
Oh, I'm sorry. Not everyone is as gross as I am? Cool, moving on.
I have six other tabs open on my internet browser right now, and they all have to do with deep cleaning my kitchen.