Librarians. I mean, amiright? Need I say more? And all that jazz.
One Word. Four Syllables. An eternity of fear.
Let me explain. Kindergarten was the year when big things started to happen to me. Kindergarten was when I realized that if I behaved my clothespin could stay on the green light. Kindergarten was when I became so crazy about keeping my pin on green that I never misbehaved. Or misspoke. Or really did anything. Kindergarten was when I became deathly afraid of... breaking the rules.
Dun dun dun. A fear that is still 100% ingrained in me today, 20 years later. If only adulthood was as simple as moving one's clothespin up the traffic light... hashtag: life's deep thoughts.
Now at the end of one's Kindergarten year getting moved up to first grade is tres exciting. As in even more exciting than an ice cream truck driving down your street. Or than your pin staying on green for the entire school year (which yes, my pin did stay on green the entire year. 5-year old hair flip). First grade was a big deal. A new building. Hallways with the big bad second and third graders. Shucks! First grade was life and 5-almost-6 year old Emily was so ready for that life.
Except...I wasn't. Kindergarteners didn't share hallways with the big kids, but they did get to do big kid things like check out library books. Hello! So official. Brush yo shoulders off official. In an attempt to start living my first grade/uber mature human being life, I checked out a library book. No big deal, right? Wrong. So wrong because 5-almost-6 year old Emily lost the library book. Which also appears to be no big deal, BUT it is a very big deal to lose a school's library book. Very. Big. Deal.
Anxious-please-don't-move-my-clothespin-to-yellow Emily was quite nervous to tell the librarian that the book had vanished. You can go to jail for such a crime! Kindergarten yellow light jail! But alas, Miss Librarian found out of my crime and gave me my punishment.
I would not be allowed to move up to first grade if I didn't find that book before the end of the school year.
The horror! The embarrassment! The pain! In 5 seconds I had gone from green light star to worst human being in all the Kindergarten land! I would be a repeat. A lost library book repeat with a yellow light status for the rest of my years.
I came home in tears trying to explain to my mother the travesty that now was my little life. And what did my mother do? She laughed. She laughed because librarians have no control over who moves up to first grade. She laughed because it was a library book. But mostly I'm sure she was secretly laughing because her 5-almost-6 year old daughter was convinced that her life was over.
Guess what? I didn't find the library book before the end of the school year. Guess what? I also didn't have to repeat Kindergarten. Guess what? My life clothespin is still on green.
First day of first grade? Check. Creepy don't mess with me librarian smile? Check.
Talk to the hand, Miss Librarian. Talk to the hand.