January 22, 2014

on being the bar cart less blogger

Do you ever feel like taking a big bite out of the blogger sandwich? You know, the sandwich made up of a few selfies, some Starbucks and arm candy, a pinch of hashtags, and of course topped off with a big 'ole slice of bar cart.

Sometimes I think I really really want a bite of that sandwich. I mean, hello! Starbucks? Yum (although only hot chocolate for me, please). Accessories? Necessary. Selfies of said arm candy and coffee drinks?! Duh. Bar carts?! Totally adorable and cute. And necessary, too. I think...

But here is what happens when I take a bite of that sandwich...

I use up all my Starbucks gift cards (teacher perks. Every holiday equals a plethora of gift cards), and realize that I probably won't ever enter a Starbucks without a gift card. Also, there's only so much hot chocolate one can drink. Also, I hate coffee.

I never had lessons in the accessorizing department. I think I look dumb in earrings and don't care to wear them. Unless you can find the world's teeniest studs. My wrists decided to stop growing when I was 1 and finding cute bracelets and watches for a 24 year old with a 1 year old wrist is next to impossible. But hey, I do wear my engagement ring and wedding band. Bling bling, what what.
The was taken pre-sizing the ring down 4.5 sizes.  I should have worn the ring on my wrist! Genius ideas always come way too late.

Selfies? I need no words (other than these) to show you the pain of Emily selfies. Just look and see.

The I don't know what to do with my mouth so I open it ALL THE WAY selfies.

The I don't know what to do with my face so I'll just do the weirdest thing I can think of selfies.

The I'm so uncomfortable taking these that I think I'll make you uncomfortable too selfies.

The I've had some wine at this bachelorette party and must get my phone out selfies.
Only good ones of the group, right?

I have no justifications so let's move on to bar carts.
Bar carts went from being something you could make out of any regular shelving unit to Holy Bar Cart That Is Totally Different Than Any Other Shelves And I Need It Now. This transition happened overnight. One night Mr. and Mrs. Jones were stocking their liquor on top of their fridge and their wine glasses in the cabinet with all the other cups/glasses. The next night Mr. and Mrs. Jones were the most outdated couple in all the land. Such a sad story.

For about 3 hot seconds last week I decided I needed a bar cart. N-e-e-d-e-d it. No more gin on top of the fridge. But then I remembered that our apartment is already filled to the brim with furniture and bar carts are meant to go on the ground--not stacked on top of the dining room table. And then I remembered that Freddie bought me the coolest wine fridge and made me a wine rack and I am already Miss Fancy Wine Storage Pants. And finally I remembered that I don't drink anything other than wine so why would I need an entire cart to put _____ on? (but it would be another space for me to stack papers and stuff...)
Eat my wine rack, you silly bar carts.

Which sandwich are you eatin'?

Disclaimer: This entire post is what they call "tongue in cheek." I am not-so-secretly absolutely jealous of everyone that can accessorize well without thinking, take selfies and look like models, and come home from work and make a drink off of your cuter than Pinterest bar carts bar cart. Let's Freaky Friday it up and switch for a bit, okay?

4 comments:

Kenzie S said...

This post totally cracked me up, I loved it! I don't want a bar cart because I don't really drink often, but I do want a coffee cart because I freaking love coffee. I love Starbucks but I'm to poor to go there more than once or twice a month HA HA, and don't even get me started on accessorizing. What is that?

Helene in Between said...

love all your tongue in cheekiness. i dont have a bar car. nor a starbuck obsession. i do take selfies but they rarely wind up for the public to see, they are lucky for that.

Ashley said...

Your wrist stopped growing at the age of 1 (hahaha!!) I always love your writing Em!! I seriously do the nose laugh (you know?!) when I read your blog.

And no worries....I don't love Starbucks either (and usually only go there with a gift card)

But your wine rack looks adorableeee!!!!!

Alex[andra] said...

Your wine rack is perfect! There's no room in my house either for a bar cart but what you have is so practical! And can totally be turned into an on the wall bar cart! Love it!

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