things you never told me about having a dog

As I'm sure you all recall, we got a dog. 

In less than a 24-hour period we went from not even entertaining the idea of having a dog, to actually factually having a dog.

 My camera roll would suggest that I kind of like this dog, too, which seems crazy for someone who kind of never liked dogs. And while I'm so glad that A) you're all rejoicing for our new-ish fur addition (not my IKEA white fur rug! The dog! Sheesh!) and B) you're all non-creepily following along with all the Lupe Instas, I have to admit I'm kind of pissed the heck off. 

Emily, why are you pissed the heck off?

Oh, I'm so glad you asked! Let me tell you...

You! Yes, you! You never told me a lot of things that would start happening because of this dog. 

He sheds.

I sat here for about three to five minutes trying to think of a better way to describe what Lupe does with his hair other than just a simple he sheds. That does not give you an accurate representation of the Hairy Bomb that goes off every ten minutes in our home. Anywhere or anyone Lupe sits or sits on is subject to fall victim to this terrible tragedy. When the Lu-ster gets up from sitting or laying, he leaves behind enough hair to create an entire other Lupe. He is cloning himself! I just figured it out! Duh!

But seriously, the majority of the time Freddie looks more like Lupe than Lupe looks like Lupe. I look more like two Lupes the majority of the time. It is...ridiculous. I sweep up all the fifth and sixth and seventh Lupes, and then about 12 hours later eighth, ninth, and tenth Lupes are hanging out on the floor. 

Stop shedding! This is not a hair party. I used to actually like my hardwood floors. Now I judge them against our carpeted bedroom that hides the hair travesty so well. 

He gets sick.

Now, give me a little bit of credit. I knew animals got sick. But. But! But! You didn't tell me how much it would effect ME when HE got sick. Holy Emotional Roller Coaster Get Me Off Of This Right Now Emily, I couldn't/can't handle it. Can't Even. Right before we road tripped to Georgia for Christmas, Lupe started having these terrible, horrible, no good, scary episodes. He would start gasping for breath, shaking uncontrollably, whining, and his eyes would water like crazy. This would last for about ten minutes before he would be fine. Completely fine---fine and even playing like, Ain't no thang, Em! Almost died, but NBD.

Right before we were taking him to the vet for observation, he had the worst of the worst little episode. I sat on the floor with him until it passed. Erm, let me rephrase that. I sat on the floor with him, crying, and ever so not-gently saying, Please keep breathing! Lupe! Breeeeeeath.

By the way, vet found nothing wrong with him so I'm guessing my tears falling on his fur were what healed him, obvi. 

He loves you all the dang time...and it's too much!

Stop liking me! I'm not that great of a person, I promise! 

Dogs are either really good or really bad for their owners' egos. Lupe thinks Freddie and I hung the moon, and honestly, I kind of start believing it, too. 

Why yes, I did just fill up your bowl with food like a boss. Thanks for noticing, dog!

You know, opening his crate door kind of feels like I'm opening the pearly white gates to Heaven.

Lupe, never change. You're my favorite.