boo

My mom cannot be surprised. She just can't. She always figures it out. She always knows what we've gotten her for Christmas. She always knows what is going on with everyone everywhere. It's just the way she is.

MC has perfected the fake surprised look. 

Except...
I found the tiny crack in her just try and surprise me armor and I was able to throw one on her. But let's start at the beginning. 

My women-don't-fart-belivin' mother was cast in a play in which her character is the complete opposite of the women-don't-fart mentality. Let's just leave it at her character was a therapist who was willing to use just about any means possible to de-homosexualize her gay client (read: my mom was in a brassiere) (read: I spent the whole scene staring at her chest and wondering how the nunga nunga gene skipped me entirely). Something I had to see, obviously. 

So I told my sister and my sister only, begged her to keep her lips shut, came up with a plan, and by 5:30 on Friday Freddie and I were sneakily headed to Georgia. 

...except my mom always figures things out. Remember that part?

I was sure she knew what was going on when she asked me if I was delivering her merde gifts in person. 

Nope, she didn't know.

I was sure she knew what was going on when I had stress dreams in which she saw me and said something like Pfsh, nice try Emily. I knew you were going to come. 

Nope, she still hadn't figured it out yet.
who has stress dreams about surprising their mom?!

There we were Friday night. Slowly plugging along to GA when I get a text from my uncle:

Hey, Freddie's brother and his wife are sitting a few seats down from me at Taco Mac. 

Followed by a text from my sister-in-law:

Your uncle is at Taco Mac sitting near us!

Followed by another text from my uncle:

You and Freddie are on your way to Georgia?!?! Why didn't I know??

Apparently Taco Mac is the place to be on a Friday night in Newnan, Georgia. Especially if you are part of Freddie or Emily's families. Use that piece of information how you see fit (aka: if you are cool, you'll be at the Newnan Taco Mac every Friday night). I quickly explained to my uncle that we were surprising my mom and to keep quiet about it. An hour passes. Then I get this text from my sister:

Jimmie and Jessica are at Taco Mac?!?! Ummmmm...so is mom. Aren't you staying with them tonight?? Where are y'all??? 
(yes, my sister uses that many punctuation marks when texting) (so do I). 

Somehow in the midst of this comedy of errors at Taco Mac, no one slipped up and said that Emily and Freddie were an hour away on 85 South. Miraculously, even though my mother wondered where Jimmie and Jessica were off to when they left (hint: to meet us), MC never thought it was because we were in town. The surprise gods were so on my side that night. 

And that's why as she came inside after a walk on Saturday morning and saw me laying in my sister's bed she was actually, factually, amazingly, genuinely surprised. Which was obvious by the who the heck are you and why are you here look I got before she started screaming.

Great. Success.
So if you take anything away from this story take that you should always go for a surprise, even if it involves stress dreams. Also remember to take pictures because I went to surprise my mom and all I came back with was this picture with my sister.

hashtag: oops.