December 9, 2015

fake life vs. real life

Today we are going to talk about marriage and Fake Life. You know, the life where your expectations are alive and reign freely. The life that doesn't have to be covered with three Instagram filters + 6x more brightness and 18x more contrast.

We're also going to talk about marriage and Real Life. The life where Come on! You're close to 30! Don't you know by now not to have any expectations?! The life that is covered with three Instagram filters + 6x more brightness and 18x more contrast because LAWD, doesn't that make everything way prettier? Where's the app that can make my face and life look like that permanently?

To make this post easier to write (and much harder to read/comprehend), let's refer to our life choices today as FL and RL. Bc u no, abbrv r + fun. 

Example #1
FL:
It's bed time (so it's 9pm. I'm embracing my grandma-ness). As always, you and your hubby wubby love of your life are tired at the same exact time, so off to bed holding hands it is! Even though you're both so tired with hearts so full, you stay up late pillow talking into the wee hours of the morning. Pillow talk is the best! Remember that one night you stayed up talking about all your hopes and dreams for the next five years?! Man, the next five years are going to rock.

RL:
It's bed time. Well, for you. You've tried staying up to spend more time with your night owl husband, but he is still going strong, and the clock reads 10:45 which is exactly one hour and forty five minutes after your witching hour. And you know what rhymes with witch...yes, you are correct: twitch. Which is exactly what your eyes are doing because they are so tired. You steal a quick kiss before literally leaping into bed. Your wide-awake biffle reluctantly agrees to go to bed and says he will be there in ten.

Two minutes later you are passed the heck out. What's pillow talk? Does it have anything to do with drool being on your pillow? No?
fake life blog
And if you're lucky maybe your husband will snap a pic of your drooling, sleepy face. 
End scene.

Example #2
FL:
Babies. One little word for one big change. But man, when you see those baby pictures of your spouse you know you need/want at least ten of those running around your house. Think of how many mini-chefs you'd have in the kitchen! They'd be the perfect mix of your sense of planning and organization, and your spouse's sense of adventure and spontaneity. Because duh, children get all the good traits from both parents and none of the bad traits. Back to family planning...you and husband lay down for your nightly performance of Pillow Talk and have a serious, heart-to-heart conversation about when you both want children. Bonus! You are both on the exact same page! Even down to the month of the year when you think those future children should be born. Not surprising though, giggle giggle, you and your man are always on the same page.

RL:
Babies. You want a handful of them, and you want them to be 100% as cute as Baby Freddie, but Dear God, please let them get neither of our hair and/or cow licks. In Jesus' name, Amen. When it comes time to discuss future children you wait until both of you have had AT LEAST two drinks. At least, people. The more the better. You then proceed to leave the dance floor at one of your best friend's wedding and try to convince your future baby daddy to shake on it and be in agreement with what you want.
fake life blog
Ten minutes later and no shaking agreement has occurred. Now your several years plan has expanded to several more years, and you don't even remember what point you were trying to make ten minutes earlier.

^^^My Real Freaking Life. 


There you have it. Welcome to my unfiltered real life of going to bed early and trying to get my husband to shake it out when it comes to family planning. Also, all I want in life is pillow talk. Is that too much to ask?

What's your unfiltered life like? Please don't tell me pillow talk is all fake. 

9 comments:

P!nky said...

Fun post, lady! I hear you on the separate bedtimes. My husband is a night owl and I get up early to do yoga in the morning so it doesn't always mix well for pillow talk.

My husband and I are on the same page with kids [not at this time] but in the beginning it was tough to talk about and not be like I'm JUST SAYING instead of being honest.

P!nky said...

Fun post, lady! I hear you on the separate bedtimes. My husband is a night owl and I get up early to do yoga in the morning so it doesn't always mix well for pillow talk.

My husband and I are on the same page with kids [not at this time] but in the beginning it was tough to talk about and not be like I'm JUST SAYING instead of being honest.

TheNotSoGirlyGirl said...

Ahahah i had such a laugh! This is sooooooo true!

Erin LFF said...

LOL! This made me actually chuckle OUT loud. COL, is that a thing? ;)

Carolyn Mack said...

Oh this made me laugh! My husband is a night owl and ALWAYS wakes me up when he comes to bed which a major pain in the arse. Also, when in private he asks for a baby but when we're with family or friends he tells them its me asking - what the?!

Darcy said...

We almost never go to bed at the same time haha. One of us normally falls asleep on the couch and then the other wakes them up when it's time to go to bed haha!
www.amemoryofus.com

Mattie @ Northwest Native said...

Yesss I'm always way too tired by the time we go to bed. I'm always falling asleep watching Netflix and he's like, "one more episode? six more episodes?" and is all whiney when I can't hang anymore! Haha.

Kristen @ See You In A Porridge said...

hahaha real life! love it. real life, KC and I have completely different sleep routines. He likes to read to get sleepy, whereas I need to lay down and be in the dark to get sleepy. So if we go to bed at the same time, he wants to read and I want to turn the lights off. By the time he wants to turn the lights off, I'm wide awake and he's out in 2 seconds, and now snoring. Also real life, we used to have a full / double bed, and we'd be constantly waking each other up and in general being miserable, and most of the time I would grab a blanket (or 5, because we also like different temperatures) and sleep on the couch (oh, the horror). now, we have a king size bed and everything is peachy, he has a head lamp so he can read with the lights out, so we go to bed at the same time because we both like 9pm bed times. haha. anyway. over and out, ms rambles.
ps. kc and i are both on the same page kid wise, but only because it's far away now. i bet when it gets closer to 'supposed to happen' we'll freak out.

Veronica Lee Burns said...

haha this is great! Pillow talk happens only occasionally for us...and babies, yeah not on the same page haha

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...