when you're an olympic gold medalist

If you're like me the rest of the world, then you've been parked on your couch in front of the TV, watching the Olympics every night now for a week. 

And what a glorious week it has been! Simone Biles jumping higher than a Jack Russell terrier on speed, Lilly King being so Straight Edge/hardcore, Michael Phelps turning into a merman (by the way, his son has an Instagram, and yes, at age five months he has more followers than you do). 

In honor of the Olympics I thought this post could take you through my brain at any given moment when watching NBC/MSNBC/Bravo/NBC Sports/Gold Zone coverage of the Rio 2016 Olympics. 

DOESN'T THIS SOUND LIKE SO MUCH FUN?!?! YES! <---that's what is going through your brain at this moment. 

Side note: my dad worked at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics which, to six-year old me, was a BFD. 

I'm not saying he did invent the self-timer selfie, but I'm also not saying he didn't... wink wink. double negative. win win. 

Okay, back to you + my brain + all you've ever wanted + funsies = this blog.

What's that noise? Lupe...? No. Someone outside? No. Oh I see, Venus and Serena Williams are still making weird sexual groans and moans while playing tennis. NBD.  

Does calling ping-pong table tennis make it any more official? No. Ugh, Freddie, why are you still watching ping-pong table tennis? Didn't we just see this at the bar last weekend or...at least at Sally's house in sixth grade? Does that mean air hockey is the next sport to be at the Olympics?

Ew. Why did his muscles do that? Can we rewind? FREDDIE! DID YOU SEE HIS LATS? He needs Pilates. 

humming along with the song

Is that safe on her knee? Oh no, no, no. That is not safe. She needs Pilates. 

Haha, Aly Raisman's parents are hilariously ridiculo...omgomgomgomg girl, do not scare me like that you when you land. Stick that shiz. 

I'm definitely working out tomorrow. 

humming loudly along with the song

Why can't gymnasts learn how to slick back their hair and do a real bun? #balletforlife Chyeah, maybe I think in hashtags, mmkay?

But seriously, didn't people stop using those clips in their hair ten years ago? Maybe if I keep critiquing their hair then no one will notice I've accomplished nothing with my life.

Oh my gosh, I've accomplished nothing with my life. 

SIMONE!

Aliya Mustafina....or MUFASA?

Oh yes, yes yes. Synchronized diving is my new favorite sport. 

Oh yes, yes, yes. Gymnastics is my favorite sport.

Oh yes, yes, yes. Kayaking in my new favorite sport. 

singing loud, made up lyrics with the song

It's also the time of year where I like to think I'm being very original by claiming that everything is an Olympic sport, and every time we win the gold. Example A: Olympic gold medalist wine drinkers! Cheers! Example B: Olympic gold medalist trash chuters. He shoots, no CHUTES, he scores! Example C: No, but really. Olympic gold medalist wine drinkers! Cheers!

Happy Friday!
May you be the gold medal winner of everything you do this weekend. Cheers!