November 20, 2010

Fire In Da House

Monday night was a scary night in the Moore household. Actually, it would be more accurate to say early Tuesday morning was scary. To be even more accurate, 4 a.m. was scary. You are all dying to know what was so scary, right? Are the Moores scared of the dark? Did the monster under the bed  decide to reveal himself at such an hour? Well, the monster stayed under the bed on this particular night, however I can't speak for my family on their fears of darkness. Anyways, it started out just like most nights.

    Example: Ann and I head to bed around 11. Instead of sleeping, we attempt to watch lots and lots of Friends episodes. (We have made it to season 7, less than halfway to go!) During our attempt, Ann watches with great enthusiasm, laughing at all the right places. I, however, usually fall asleep about 5 minutes into the first episode.

So, on Monday night, I fell asleep and Ann watched 4 or 5 episodes. La la la, I was off somewhere in dreamland having wonderful dreams. My wonderful dreams turned into dreams about me being in gross smelling places. In and out of my sleeping state, I realized that Ann's room was the host of this foul stench.  This was when my mind woke up at full speed with thoughts like, 

"Oh no, we are all going to get carbon monoxide poisoning. Something is wrong with the heat. There are toxic fumes in our house. We are going to die in our sleep. Who is going to find us? We need to run outside right now. Right now. Oh no no no no. Where is an escape window ladder?"

The smell was even worse when I was awake and conscious. (Imagine that...) I resorted back to the 5 year old Emily that hurriedly ran into her parents room at the thought of anything terrifying. There went 21 year old Emily, quickly dodging furniture in the dark to get to her parents room. Dad was mid snore when he must have noticed me because this is what I heard, "zzZZZzzZZZZhum mum bah cough hack cough, yes?" I calmly (as calmly as anyone can be with death and toxic fumes looming around the corner) explain that there was an overwhelmingly foul smell in Ann's room. I'm sure my parents were thinking, "Seriously, Emily? You woke us up at 4 a.m. because something SMELLED bad?! Why don't your try breathing through your mouth and GO BACK TO SLEEP." Whatever they were thinking, Dad groaned and moaned and cracked and stretched his way towards Ann's room. As soon as I opened Ann's door the smell decided to spread like butter and get in all the rooms nearby. UH HUH, I DO NOT allow foul stenches in my room. You are not welcome. As I was standing in my room praying that a few squirts of Febreeze would chase the smellsies away, I hear Dad's disgust as the smell greets him. EW. There was no denying that something a little janky was going on up in here. Dad turned from "half-awake Russ", to "frantic run around the house and sniff every room Russ." Guess who was right there with him? Ann? Mary Caroline? No, Emily the smell patrol was there. Detectives Russ and Emily figured out the horrible smell was pretty much contained to Ann's room slash the upstairs. Ann was still completely unphased that A) There were horrible fumes trying to kill her in her sleep and B) People were running around loudly talking and sniff sniff sniffing. In fact, when Dad came in and turned on her light for further investigating she didn't seem to even notice that A) her light was on and B) there was SMOKE all over her room. TADA, I'm not crazy. (No comments from the peanut gallery.) Ann's fan motor decided that it was tired of properly working and that it'd be way more fun to burn out and release the most grotesque and horrifying smell known to mankind/Emily Moore. Dectectives Russ and Emily saved the night! I'm sorry, the early morning. Just let us know if you ever need our services/slash my dog like nose. No smell gets past this schnoze.

What an adventure. I felt like I needed to spray 4 or 5 bottles of air freshner just to remind my brain (and nose) that there are pleasant smelling things in this world afterall.

 What I wish I had been smelling all night...

Lesson learned for all: Follow your instincts on those bad smells. If not, your ceiling fan might catch on fire, right? ;) Also, maybe I should never live alone. I don't know whose room I would go running into when something went wrong...

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