all about alliteration

I always feel like I have to write a post about fun things, favorite things, or five things on Fridays. 

Or fried things. Or funny things (well, I mean, that's all my posts. Insert smirk 'moji). Or finicky things. Or financial things. Or filibuster things. Or...you get the idea. 

Basically I feel like I'm not real blogger status until all my weekly posts contain some kind of alliteration. On that note...

Five Favorite, Funny, fThoughts fI've fBeen fThinking fLately fBecause fIt's Friday

1) Who else has the iPhone update? Who else has spent countless hours sending messages in invisible ink or with confetti bursting on the screen? But most important question of all, who else still swipes to unlock the home screen? Let's say since I updated the phone two weeks ago I've unlocked my phone 173 times. Let's also say that that means there have been 173 times during which I swiped my phone, it didn't unlock, it took me to the news, I started pressing buttons, I made it a mess, I didn't unlock my phone, and I swore I'd remember to double press the button the next time. Update: I wrote this post last night, and in these past 12 hours I have yet to successfully remember to double tap the button to unlock my phone. Once a failure, always a failure. 

2) I rearranged and cleaned our storage room guest bedroom yesterday, and I literally feel like I cleansed my soul. <<not really sure what that even feels like, but it sounds properly dramatic for how I feel/felt after rearranging. I told this to Ricky when he got home so he excitedly went to look in the guest bedroom. Aaaaaand then asked what was different. My soul, Ricky, my soul is different!

3) Thank the Netflix gods that season 6 of The Walking Dead was put on because now Freddie and I can continue our healthy marriage routine of binge watching shows every night instead of talking to each other. I use the term "watching" very loosely because the end of season 6 TWD is terrifying, and I find I have to stare at my phone, my nails, the dog, the blanket, the spec of dust under the shelves, and/or the print across the room and then act surprised that my eyesight is so horrible that I can't read it all before I can actually just watch the TV screen. 

4) Whenever people say they love Halloween I always think they are dramatically pausing before finishing that sentence with the word candy. It bewilders me when people say, "I love Halloween." instead of, "I love Halloween candy." 

^^This sentence is brought to you by my sticky-eating-ghost-gummies-fingers. 

5) Ricky and I did this thing this month where we tracked our spending by listing every single item we purchased. According to Rick we spent an ungodly amount on wine. Apparently our apartment complex has a wine robber because what else is the explanation to where all this wine is going? On a similar note, he did suggest we celebrate our figuring out how much money we spent on wine by going to Trader Joe's and buying some more wine so... is admission the first step of acceptance? Admission is the first step, and celebration is the second. 

fHappy Fabulous Friday!

May your day be filled with all things alliteration.

Photo taken last week at Gavelston. 

p.s.- Thanks for everyone's kind words and virtual head pettings on Wednesday's post! You all win. 

when the bleep hits the fan. and your head.

Yesterday morning when I was walking Lupe, a bird pooped on my head.

And you know, it's not even that the bird pooped on my head that irks me. It's the fact that it had just finished raining, so I assumed the said drop on my head was a rain drop. I then proceeded to continue to walk Lupe, say hello to all the lovely neighbors of mine also walking their dogs, and get to the elevator before I went up to tuck my hair behind my ear, and I realized that what came off of my hair and onto my hand was not a raindrop. Oh no, it was a bird drop...ping.

This candid, but not at all candid blogger hair tuck pose looks a lot better when it's bird poop-less.

You know when you finish eating and continue to have a grand ol' time with your friends, then you look in a mirror anywhere from one to five hours later, and you realize you've had lunch in your teeth ever since. Then goes the conversation of WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I HAD FOOD IN MY TEETH?! Then you break up with your friends because that is unforgivable. Just kidding. But seriously, why don't we just tell one another?! Not telling is forgivable (sigh, I guess), but the people who claim they didn't tell you because they didn't notice---?! That's what is unforgivable. Who doesn't notice green in the teeth of the people to whom they are talking? Even ventriloquists show their teeth when they are talking-but-not-talking. Come on, people! Of course you saw! Everybody shows their teeth when they are talking/laughing/thinking they are having a good time with their honest friends.

Because if society could just make it the norm for us to tell one another when we have food in our teeth then I'M SURE the next step to societal normalcy would be for people to tell me when the heck I have bird poop in my hair. Thanks for nothing, the three neighbors I passed on the sidewalk. You know who you are. You also don't know who I am, and don't read my blog so... 

Anyways, in case you were wondering, I washed my hair and have since managed to heal from this tragedy. Physically heal, that is. Obviously I'm not in a healed emotional state yet as the three above paragraphs prove.

So I guess I showed up here today to share something very important and meaningful with you...

ALWAYS tell people when they have food in their teeth, and bird crap in their hair.

The world will be a much better place.

#birdcraptwentysixteen #survivor

on finishing a book

I finished reading a book yesterday. A book that I started in January, but hey! I did it! If this had been a marathon, I would have been about three minutes months behind the cop car that herds all the slowpokes to the finish line. 

Don't wait on me! I'll catch up to you soon! 

Wait, maybe come back here and help me...

But whatever.  It felt so good to read something that didn't have any words that ended in -itis or -lysis or -osis. 

Wanna know what I finished? Steve Martin's autobiography, Born Standing Up.

Wanna know what other books are lined up for me to finish in the next two to fifteen months? A big, fat pile of astronaut autobiographies. 

THIS IS WHAT HEAVEN'S LIBRARY LOOKS LIKE, PEOPLE.

I'm sure of it. 

Anyways, this whole me being a grown bleep woman and finishing a non-anatomy book thing made me think of other things I should do more of now that things like studying anatomy and Pilates history are no longer consuming my life

Get ready for the lamest and most adult list ever that also might be the best and coolest list ever. 

 1. Sit down and look through the dang photo books I've made. 

When I decide to make a photo book it becomes my job. My job that I don't get paid for, but instead am the one doing the paying. So that makes perfect sense. I spend hours, no days, debating over whether to add the sparkle sun badge or the flag banner on the top left corner of page 9. Because what if I hate it once it's printed?! I'll probably end up sticking it on a shelf and never looking at it! So I have to make it look perfect!

Oh wait...they end up stuck on a shelf anyways.

So you know what? I pulled out those bad boys yesterday, wiped off about a year or two worth of dust, and actually looked at them. 

2. Let the dog sleep on me. 

Ugh, twist my freaking arm, but fiiiiiine. I'll take a few chill minutes and let doggie look like this on my lap.

And this.

And this.

3. Spend more time on Pinterest

Because how else will I know which household projects I can feel guilty about never doing if I don't pin them on Pinterest?

4. Clean

I don't mean Clorox Wipe clean. I mean clean. In bold so you realize how serious this cleaning business is. Getting those baseboards clean. Getting those cabinets clean. Getting whatever is under the couch clean. So fresh, so clean clean and all that. 

This also includes not dusting around stuff, but moving said stuff in order to dust. Speaking of dust, let's talk about how it's the most unrewarding and frustrating job on the planet. 

Me: I feel awesome. I just dusted!

Dust: I feel awesome. I'm going to float around in the air for a few seconds before landing back in the same spot I was!

Ugh, I told you this list was lame and awesome. 

5. Snapchat Face Swap More

Because everyone else is doing it, and I look really good as the 1990 version of my grandfather. 

Happy Friday!

Linking up with Karli and Amanda.