an apple a day...

Did you ever have that elementary school teacher who was such a cliche teacher and had all things apple decor? Because teachers and apples go together like peanut butter and Nutella (sorry, I'm a strict no jelly kind of gal), right? Wrong. I don't get it. Let me insert apologies here in case any of you reading this are teachers and do have copious amounts of apple decor. 

Yeah, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't hide it. 

Well these days the kiddos have decided to give a different kind of gift to their teachers (me): 

gift cards.

Let me just say that if I was given as many apples as I've been given gift cards in the past few years of teaching then I would be...very regular. I'll leave it at that. Winky wink and insert smiley poopy face emoji. Have a hankering for some ice cream? Let's go to Cold Stone. It's on me. Need coffee, coffee, with a side of more coffee? I'm your girl. Starbucks or Dunkin? Your choice, my treat. Always wanted something fancy from Nordstrom? Well too bad because I'm saving that one for me. 

The thing is... I'm the worst at making decisions (Freddie is somewhere reading this and praising Jesus that I've finally admitted to this one flaw of mine). So let me repeat. I, Emily, cannot make a decision worth flip. Worth diddly squat. I can't do it. These beautiful little cards full of money and gifts for me are just getting dusty in my wallet. Almost every weekend Freddie asks me to pull them out and we go through and plan out a day where we only use gift cards...

...and then we don't. I go to a store and look and look and can't decide on anything. So I come home and yes! Online shopping will save the day! But online shopping doesn't save the day. It just makes the gift card decision making harder. Omigosh, are these hives from online shopping anxiety? <---it's a real thing. Take deep breaths, Emily. It's just a blazer. 

By the way, yes those are my inner thoughts while online shopping. Those and a slew of other more insane/second guessing/why can't I do this kind of thoughts. 

A-n-y-w-a-y-s, guess what?? I used one of the gift cards yesterday. I bought the prettiest little floral blazer. 

via

I mean, hellooooo floral is so in right now, Well, according to Pinterest. And according to some fashion bloggers I follow (follow with googly eyes yet never comment because what would I say? Me. Want. To. Dress. Like. You. Help). Awkward. 

Now my gift card collection is down one whole gift card. Progress, people. Now to use Dunkin Donuts. And Lulu Lemon (too many possibilities!). And Williams and Sonoma. And Hobby Lobby. And...

I guess my point is that maybe my students should just stick to giving me apples and/or apple decor. Then the only decision would be when to eat said apple or where to display said apple decor. 

Hashtag: firstworldteacherprobz? 

Or something like that.

on a break.

It's Sunday night as I'm writing this. I got one load of laundry done over the weekend and yet I'm not worried. The apartment smells like a mixture of sunscreen and tacos, heavy on the sunscreen. There are beach towels rolled up in a bag somewhere and bathing suits hung in the bathroom. And the bathing suits were hung in the bathroom with care...

Welcome to my spring break. 

Bold print and large font were necessary because it is spring freaking break! I have counted down the days, minutes, and seconds to this break more than I have ever counted down for any extended break. That, my friends, is a complete lie but let's pretend it's true and move on. 

Emily, what are your plans for the week?

Great question, blog reader #5. Pull up a chair and let's go through them. 

Deep clean the apartment. 

Maybe I'll even have Freddie make the bed again during this cleaning spree. Not. 

Who gets excited about dusting off the top of door frames and throwing out a whole bunch of schtuff?! Me. Me. Me me me. This apartment is about to be so clean we could eat off of the floor. But we will not because we like tables... and living in the 21st century. 

Easter crafting. 

Need I say more? Yes, yes I do need to say more. Easter crafting would not be complete without Easter candy. Need I say more to that? Not at all. 

The beach.

I will be doing the beach thang all while not getting sunburned. One of those statements will happen and the other will not. I'll let you take a guess as to which is which. 

Well this looks like a delightful spot to park my bum. 

Hug/squeeze/love on/cry years of joy with these people.

My mom and my not mom, Robbie, arrive on Tuesday night. Tuesday! So soon! But get here faster, Tuesday!

My BFF/LYLAS/hoe best friend, Caroline, gets in town Friday. Eeee!! Eee!! Eeee!! This picture on the right just happens to have been the last time we saw one another. That's right. At my wedding. Almost 8 months ago. Stupid.

Know that this emoji was invented for the sole purpose to describe my feelings about these spring break visitors. 

Tears of j-o-y, people. Read those dashes as if they were sobs and you've got it down.

Let's get this party started. 

a 2014 wife

One of my friends recently sent me this pin. 

Because sexism is funny, okay? Please tell me you don't laugh when you read this. Because you do. I turn into this emoticon when I read it. 

But not before I turn into this one first...

Today we are going to dissect these key points on How To Be A Good Wife. Maybe we will find out who makes a better wife: Emily or Freddie? It's on. Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start! --Maria Von Trapp and Emily). 

Cue the hahahahahaha's because I have plenty of them stored up for this one. My planning ahead for dinner involves calling Freddie on the way home from teaching and asking him what he has started cooking. And said "planned ahead dinner" is always delicious. DELICIOUS. Good wife point goes to...Freddie on this one. 

Let's start with the most important part...the last time I had a ribbon in my hair was in middle school. Freddie with a middle schooler is, well...illegal. So I'll skip the hair ribbon, but thanks anyways. Moving on. Take 15 minutes? Hmmm, I usually work later than Freddie so I'd have to prepare myself in the car on the drive home. I asked my friend Katie if leotard and tights are considered fresh-looking and presentable and she pointed out that in some households that might even be considered boudoir-esque. Not in this household. Frederick probably gets more excited seeing me in real clothes. But man, trying to change to put on real clothes while driving home just seems dangerous. Maybe I'll hire a driver so I can get fresh-looking? Or...or or or! Maybe it's a-okay the way it is. Screw, sexism! Freddie needs to take his 15 minutes! The good wife point goes to...ME because I look good all the time! Rawr. 

Desire to please him? Only inappropriate comments come to mind on this one so on that note...moving on.

I'm pretty sure that if my husband's body and spirit needs renewing then he can bathe himself and read the Bible. I will clean my apartment when I feel like it. Which happens to be quite often so I guess Freddie's body and spirit are just flourishing. You are welcome, dear husband.

What he might have gone through? I guess it is true, though. When I have to discipline a temper tantrum throwing child or hold a crying child while still trying to teach 7 others or deal with potty accidents and sick children and wipe up all the snot and try to talk over 20 middle schoolers and then high schoolers while not trying to lose my mind or my voice, I am going through...nothing. Nothing in comparison to what my poor, poor husband may have gone through. I'll remember to sit there like a statue and keep my mouth shut. I'm learning so much from this process!

Provide me with immense personal satisfaction? Who knew becoming a ribbon wearing robot with no feelings or emotions could make me so satisfied and happy?! All of life's questions are being answered through this.

I say all of this in jest. Well...kind of. I love helping out my husband. I enjoy cleaning and I've said it once, but I'll say it a million more times: I would do all the laundry in the world if it meant I didn't have to worry about cooking. So I do the laundry and Freddie worries enjoys cooking. I enjoy decorating our apartment and finding new gems to make it our home. 

But I enjoyed doing all of this when I lived at home with my family. Helping out when and where was needed. I enjoyed doing all of this when I lived at school with roommates. Trash is full? I'll take it out. 

Mutual respect and understanding is the way to go. So let's go, yo! I think my immense personal satisfaction comes from seeing the successes of Freddie and Emily's team work.  

What do you think makes a good wife/husband?

on learning life skills

When does one learn essential life tools?

I'm not talking about networking skills. Or how to do taxes. Or the best way to budget. 

I'm talking about how to properly apply makeup. And how to style hair. And how to accessorize. 

I missed learning all about these life skills (which are obviously oh-so-important when compared to taxes and careers and finances...). Maybe I missed learning them because I always wore stage make up. And my hair was always in a bun. And the only accessories I really bought were the biggest performance-ready sparkly earrings I could find and all the stylish bun wreaths (ya know, back in 2000 when bun wreaths were cool).

Lately I've been on this big kick where I want to grow up and know how to do my makeup in all sorts of ways and know how to put together a tres cute (pronounced cue-tay, of course) outfit, accessories included. I blame all of this on Pinterest. Just kidding, I blame all of this on my younger sister who is the cutest thing since sliced bread. And yes, sliced bread is cute (and delicious).

Like what the what?! How did she learn? And yes, I made fun of her for this selfie, but it's mostly just because I'm jealous and stuff.

5 Looks I Want to Rock the Crap Out Of:

1- mixing patterns. As in, I want to recreate this exact outfit. Stat.

Via

2- high waisted bathing suits. Which would probably work wonders with my birthing hips, but instead of Oh girl, she is so pulling that off I feel like it'd be more Why is she wearing granny panties to the beach? with me.

Via

3- eye makeup. in any and all forms. When do people learn how to use their eyelids like a canvas?! 

Via

4- Speaking of makeup... makeup that stays on all day, looks good all day, and looks subtle and seski. That's not asking too much, is it?

Alycia knows what's up. 

5- hair. period, the end, yadda yadda yadda. I can't do diddly squat to my hair. It doesn't help that my hair is as flat as a pancake that has been sitting on the highway and run over by numerous 18-wheelers. But really, hair needs help. More volume. More waves. More color. More everything. I believe all hair pins are lies. Lies, I tell you! They never work for me. 

Via

I'll go ahead and answer your question. Yes, I will now be accepting applications for a personal hair and makeup stylist. Clothing stylist is also welcome. I do realize it might be easier for me to just stop getting on Pinterest or stop looking at my sister. Not gonna happen. 

How are you with all things beauty and style?

Happy Friday! 

bug bites

Warmer weather brings all the funsies...except for bugs. Mosquitoes (who love me). Roaches (sedate me until the winter so I don't have to see any). You know, all the gross make-me-scream-in-terror bugs. 

This year the warmer weather has also bought along a new bug: the travel bug. This bug has bit me hard and may even love me more than mosquitoes, which is quite the feat. I have never had such a strong longing to travel anywhere and everywhere like I do right now, right here in time. 

And for this wanderlust, I blame the following:

one. 

The Whole - You've Been Married For More than One Minute So Ya Must Be Pregnant By Now -Bit. 

This time last year the question of the hour was When is Freddie proposing? When will you be engaged? Whadyaknow, Freddie proposed. We were engaged. Then we were married. And then suddenly we went from newlyweds to the newlyweds who have yet to reproduce. Shut the front door. Have you thought about kids? Do you have a plan? How many years? Are you trying? Oh my gosh, are you pregnant? 

Lemme answer those questions in order: 1) I've barely thought about where to fit the wedding gifts or the fact that I just promised to spend my life with someone and change my name. 2) Does intricately planning out getting laundry done throughout the work day count as a plan? Oh...you're talking about kids. 3) I find it interesting you use the words 'years' when you are obviously wanting a 'days' or 'months' answer. 4) Pretty sure the mere act of wacka flocka is trying, in a way. 5) No. I'm sorry (why am I apologizing?) 

Let's not forget I teach a rough total of about 140 kids per week, ages 2.5-15, so I think my ovaries are just fine and dandy for right now. Thanks for asking. 

But these questions do get one (me) thinking and it does make one (me) feel very anxious about everything one (me) wants to accomplish before children. Therefore, one (me) needs to win the lottery, quit the job, and start traveling asap. 

I wouldn't mind this as a first stop. Via.

two.

Pinterest. All Social Media.

Social Media: the place where all your hopes and dreams come crashing down because you spend all your time comparing yourself to everyone else. 
Phew, that was a mouthful of a slogan. But really... I feel like every day there's some new news to make me Wicked Witch of the West green with jealousy. Bobby and Sally bought a house?! But they've only been married 5 months. Or Dick and Jane are taking another trip this year? But they already spent a week in the Bahamas earlier this year. Or John and Susie are in Europe. Again. I guess I'll just go to work. Again. 

It doesn't help that one of my best friends is touring the world with Disney Live and traveling to some of the most beautiful places. As if everyone didn't already want to go to Abu Dhabi enough after SATC2, Brittany posts pictures like this and I'm sold. I want gleefully frolic through the streets of Abu Dhabi! Where's my plane ticket?

three. 

Money. See Also: The Lack Thereof.

Any time we write a rent check or pay the bills my insides cringe (Funny how my insides don't cringe when I walk into HomeGoods...). I think of what life would be like if rent was dirt cheap and if we were finished paying student loans (when we are 103). The more less money we have saved up the more I want to travel. Isn't that how life goes? The greedy gus gets the last worm? Or something like that...

I digress. I did not mean for this post to be all about Point Numba One. Sounds like I've got enough material for a whole post on that subject... We've got some big plans for a trip this summer (hint: it rhymes with Fisney Band) as well as big plans to shape up all things money related. And pretty soon I'll be making millions as a dance teacher and will become Freddie's Suggamama. Watch out, world.

Where do you want to travel?